This Ten day challenge starts with 10 secrets about the Tree (me). Back when I first planted the Tree I was regularly over-exposed in its pages. I would divulge anything and, in fact, did. I even attached my name to it....stupid tree. Nowadays, a tad wiser, a pinch more damaged, and far less trusting...I find myself uncomfortable telling too much. I am scared of people knowing too much about me, namely, people involved in my career. I don't like this. I consider myself open and honest and thus...will take part in this ten day challenge. So, in no particular order:
1. To those who don't know me very, very well I come off as a bit of a class-clown and sometimes even a person who takes important things so lightly as to be considered lazy. I fear a vast majority of my law school classmates think this about me. This actually offends me quite a bit. I am far more thoughtful and passionate than people think and when others don't take me seriously, because I like to make people laugh any way I can, it seriously irks me. I don't really tell people that....mostly because they wouldn't find it funny. It is the thing in the world that bothers me most.
2. I hate children. Like, not just a little bit...but a lot. My main exposure of late has been my almost 4 year old niece and nephew, both of whom I love very much, but both of whom I am more than happy to give back after an hour. I have zero urge to have children....ever. Now this can change, as many of my elder statesman have said it would....but I just don't see it. I want to spend my time and my money on me and my future wife....and that is all. I want to do as much as possible, and while "possible" includes children, they are most certainly to the detriment of everything else in the pie graph of "possible".
3. In my life, up until about 4 years ago, I was never sure that any person ever liked me. That's why I appreciate my college/current friends so much. When I was growing up I spent a majority of my time at the baseball field. My father was my coach, he was on the little league and babe ruth league board of directors and was the all-star team coach. I was always certain that all my "friends" of that era A) didn't like me because they all felt I was only on all-star teams and playing a lot because my dad was in charge, and B) treated me well because they didn't want to upset the son of the guy in charge. Then, throughout High School I went through the regular High School social structure and wasn't treated well. I vowed to be different in college, but the same insecurities always hit me. That changed in the fall of 2005, in my psychology lab. (p.s. I was really good at baseball so eff them!)
4. I lost my virginity on September 11, 2002. Yes, not quite as bad as one year prior...but still, that's kind of inappropriate. Given, in reality it was 3 am of the night prior....but still, technically it was 9/11/02. Not my proudest biographical statistic.
5. I only went to law school so that I could be a sports agent and then made barely any attempt to make that happen. I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do after college. Before graduating with a degree in psychology I was accepted to several quality psychology graduate programs but decided not too long before the December '06 LSAT to attend law school and forgo seven years of psy. schooling. I still hold on to that dream, but I have no idea how to make it happen, and sadly, very little faith that it is possible. And now I'm stuck in a profession I'm not sure I like with no secure path to success within it.
6. I have been in a relationship with someone (3 people) for 5.5 of the past 9 years and have never cheated on anyone. The secret is that I came extremely close to cheating on one of them on two different occasions and was likely only an aggressive move from my counterpart away from it actually happening. I guess that's not much of a secret, but if you know me, you know I'm pretty ashamed of that.
7. On a not-so-completely unrelated note, I have personally ended two different relationships of two years or more including one engagement and almost fatally interfered with another two year-er, by being the other guy. Note, it wasn't just fooling around, all three of them led to those relationships listed above. I used to wear that as a badge of honor, as if I had conquered some guy. Now, having grown a bit, and having now been on the other side of that coin...I see the error of my ways and why that is absolutely nothing to be prideful about. I don't regret having done it, because I loved those relationships...I regret having taken advantage of their personal situations in a way that hurt someone else so much.
8. I have at least two or three major stories that I tell people on a regular basis that are completely, completely made up. These stories are about very serious subjects and I tell them in great, great detail. I tell them often, I tell them in important situations, and I won't tell anyone which ones they are....but they exist.
9. The one and only reason I have not moved to Europe is my friends. They are the one thing I can't live without that is currently in my life. If it weren't for them, THOSE BASTARDS, I would currently live in either France or Ireland...most likely France. I love Europe, I'm not a huge fan of 'murrica right now, and I miss going to the doctor.
10. I don't believe in God anymore. At least, not in the traditional sense. I used to self-identify as agnostic meaning I thought there was a higher power, who cared about us, I just refused to say it was Jebus, or Allah or Vishnu or whatever....because I could never know for sure and as long as God was good, he/she/it would forgive me. Now, I always questioned this belief because I'm very weary of faith so it wasn't going to take much, but the last year of my life has eradicated any belief in a caring and observant God. Nowadays, I believe there is some higher force or power that created everything at the "beginning" and had fulfilled it's duties at that time. Although, on occasion, I still talk to my Grandpa. I figure if anyone/anything up there will listen and care for me, it would be him.
Well, there's that.