Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's a conspiracy I tells ya!

I'm convinced the world is trying to make my head spin right off and launch into the stratosphere.  Those who know me, and those who've been reading here, know I've been goin through some shit getting over a breakup.  That's all well and good and I'll deal with it.  However, the world doesn't have to keep throwing fucking curve balls, and screwballs, and knuckle balls at me to try to knock me out of the game.

The other day I was out eating dinner with the fam and apparently I left my facebook page open on my laptop when I walked away from it.  When I came back there was one of those facebook g-chat style instant messages in the bottom right hand corner.  Normally it is one of my bar tending buddies informing every one of their facebook friends of some special promotion or event they are hosting...of which I generally ignore.  However, this was quite the shock.  This was college girlfriend.  Since law school girlfriend is known as Aphrodite on the Tree, I'll give college girlfriend a name...let's call her "Grace".  I have not spoken to Grace since late in 2005 when we officially went our separate ways after a year long, post breakup, on again-off again, confusion-fest.  Part of the shock is Grace got married this past May (to the dude immediately following me, something I've discovered is happening often).  The fact is I was happy to hear from her.  I hate to lose people from my life, particularly people who played an important role.  We eventually ended up having a nice conversation, catching up a bit on how married life is for her and how law school and real life is treating me.  I didn't get to say something I wanted to though.  Namely, I wanted to thank her for not disappearing immediately after our break-up, something who's value has only showed itself to me after Aphrodite failed to do so.

But that is besides the point.  The point is: WHY THE FUCK IS THE WORLD TRYING TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY!?!  Yes, I wanted to speak with Grace eventually and likely would have when the time was right, I wasn't so fucked up, and perhaps she had a year or so of marriage under her belt.  So why now?  Why did the world see fit to have her get slightly buzzed and see me on facebook and feel the desire to reach out.  I'm at my most fucking confused, most psychologically fragile, and most likely to dive head first into full on alcoholism.  Actually, that doesn't sound so bad right about now.  OK, I'm not actually angry...just amazed and I felt like cursing a lot.  It was nice to find out Grace still thinks I'm a good human being and it was good to find out she is doing well.  A lesser person might have been thrown for a loop...I won't be.  I'm just shocked the world is taking these shots.  It's gonna have to do better than that to sink me.  But god damn.